selves and meditations

Visiting my old haunts – am I a ghost of my younger self?

In town for most of the day, accompanying Mum to some official appointments, and otherwise occupied with stoppings-off for coffees and visits to various shops. Then evening with friend K involving our customary, almost ritual red wine, pizza and DVD picks from The Lord of the Rings and Battlestar Galactica. It is good to see friends, though I’m inevitably missing K- and the kittens. I understand they are all well.

In the early morning I had some time to read more of ‘Writing, Self and Reflexivity’, particularly on the history of ideas about the very notion of self; how the humanist tradition of having an essential self or soul was challenged (and still very much remains so in the academy) by the postmodernist theories of fragmented, de-centered experiences of culture and language which construct us as much as we them. Prevailing ideas now are returning to that of a ‘core self’, not an essentialist notion in any straightforward sense, but one of a basic continuum of an individual’s bodily and linguistic experiences, which allows for synthesis and growth in consciousness and autonomy.

Not exactly a soul then, but…it will take time for theological perspectives really to engage with and dialogue with these theories. Most major religions still hold to the concept of the soul which journeys through earthly life onwards on its journey to God, unless something goes badly wrong of course (for one’s soul rather than for one’s earthly life). Buddhism arguably has a more complex system, incorporating the idea of rebirth until one is able to escape this unwelcome wheel of reincarnation.

Buddhism in not a theistic religion. This appeals to many people who cannot logically tolerate the idea of a deity or even deities: there is no divine ‘self’ with consciousness and autonomy. Dad was attracted to Buddhist and other eastern philosophies (Taoism in particular) towards the end of his life, probably for this reason. But this is not such a simple philosophy as it may initially seem. There is still an element of Buddhism which is devotional in its scriptures and language; particularly in the idea of puja, of giving worship.

So here I am late this evening with one of Dad’s books, the Friends of the Western Buddhist Order’s ‘Book of Devotional Texts’, leafing through what feels to me like a book of evening prayers, an evening service, an order of compline. There must have been an accompanying tape as Dad has written ‘begin tape 2’ halfway through the book. Here is an extract from the introduction:

‘Devotional practice is multifaceted, often involving the simultaneous recitation of verses of worship, physical activity, the conscious development of positive emotional states, as well as the mental creation of images and symbols. Such practices clearly demand our total attention and allow no time for distraction. The poetic words recited, the images invoked, and the emotions cultivated, are grounded in a coherent value system. ..This ritual practice, involving as it does the whole person, enables us to begin the task of translating our intellectual understanding into emotional experience: in other words, to transform knowing into being.’

It goes on to describe the customary ‘devotional’ setting of a shrine with flowers and incense etc as further sensory focus.

The emphasis here then is very much one of practice – of allowing the ritual nature of the devotion to tap into and open up the bodily and unconscious strata of what we might still call the self, and enabling that self to transcend his or her daily concerns, her sense of disconnection with the world, in favour of an experience of compassionate connection with other people and the universe. It does not appear to be quite so concerned with whom one might be addressing in the devotional words. But perhaps that is not so important. Here are two of the texts, the first penitential, the second grateful and celebratory. The ‘Protectors’ are, I think, those who have already achieved enlightenment.

The evil which I have heaped up
Through my ignorance and foolishness,-
Evil in the world of everyday experience,
As well as evil in understanding and intelligence,-
All that I acknowledge to the Protectors.

Standing before them
With hands raised in reverence,
And terrified of suffering,
I pay salutations again and again.

May the Leaders receive this kindly;
Just as it is, with its many faults!
What is not good, O Protectors,
I shall not do again.


*

I rejoice with delight
In the good done by all beings,
Through which they obtain rest
With the end of suffering.
May those who have suffered be happy!

I rejoice in the release of beings
From the sufferings of the rounds of existence;
I rejoice in the nature of the Bodhisattva
And the Buddha,
Who are Protectors.

I rejoice in the arising of the Will to Enlightenment,
And the Teaching;
Those Oceans which bring happiness to all beings,
And are the abode of welfare of all beings.




I am (whoever I am) grateful for both friends and protectors, and for the poetic oceans of devotional texts which bring their own happiness in a world of flux.